✿ Ceritera Cinta ✿

Saturday, October 08, 2011

Lawak Kisah Suami Isteri

Sepasang kekasih sedang asyik memadu asmara di tepi sebuah tasik, sambil berbual-bual mesra...

Makwe: bang, andaikata saya menjadi bintang...

Pakwe: abang kan jadi Ultramannya

Makwe:kenapa pulak, sepatutnya abg jadi bulan purnamalah

Pakwe:Salah tu, kan ultraman ada bintang kepunyaannya

Makwe: gitu... kalau saya jadi bunga

Pakwe: Abang jadi tukang kebunnya

Makwe: Kenapa bukan kumbang

Pakwe: Sebab kumbang keje dia hanya menghisap madu..sedangkan tukang kebun kerjanya menyiram dan membaja bunga tu setiap hari

Makwe: Wah! hebatnya abg nie... begitu pandai berkata-kata

Setelah puas berbicara dan bergurau senda, bangunlah pasangan kekasih tersebut untuk bersiar-siar... tiba2 si makwe tersepak sebatang tunggul kayu, dan jatuh tersembam ke tanah...bedebik!!!!!! macam nangka busuk daa!!!!

Makwe: Aduh!!!! sakiknya be, (awek tu rupanya minah kelate)

Pakwe: Cilako! punyo tunggul kayu... .buto ko!!!!!, tak nampak ko oghang nak lalu (rupa2nya si pakwe tu orang nogori)... sayang takde apa2 ke?

Makwe: Takde sikit je bang... cuma luka sikit jer dahi nie

Pakwe:Nasib baik tunggul kayu, kalau orang tadi memang nahas abg kejekan.

Memang telah ditakdirkan jodoh mereka berdua... selang beberapa bulan selepas itu pasangan kekasih ini pun mendirikan rumahtangga... 2 tahun kemudian, si isteri teringat kembali kisah yang lalu sewaktu membawa anak mereka bersiar-siar di tasik yang sama ketika bercinta dahulu,

Isteri: Bang, ingat lagi tak tempat nie?

Suami: Masakan abg boleh lupa

Isteri: Kalau saya jadi bintang

Suami: Abang jadi beginilah

Isteri: Kenapa bukan Ultraman...

Suami: Kat Malaysia mana ada Ultraman... kat Jepun adalah... apa lah awak nie

Isteri: Kalau saya jadi bunga

Suami: Abang jadi beginilah

Isteri: Apa abg nie... cakaplah betul2

Suami: Apo kono eh dongan ekau nie... dah buang tebiat ko, tak nampak anak kito tu... .kalau dah abg jadi Ultraman ngan ntah apo apo ntah laie, sapo nak bagi makan kek anak kito tu... .yang mengado-ngado nak jadi bintang tu buek apo

Isteri: Abe nie tok supo dulu... .tok rometik lasung, mete2 la saya nie doh tok comey lagi...

Suami: Takdo nak romantik kosmetik do... .

Selepas puas duduk sambil berbalah, maka berjalan pulanglah keluarga tersebut... .tiba2 si isteri tadi tersepak sebatang tunggul kayu(mungkin tunggul yg sama), lalu jatuh gedebuk!!!! ke tanah...
Isteri: Aduh abe sakik nyo!!!!!

Suami: Apo kono eh awak nie... .buto ko, punyo bosa tunggul tu tak nampak ko!!!!!!!!!!

p/s: ;p

KFC

He is The one, who killed your father ><

oh no! ;p

Belanjawan 2012

BELANJAWAN 2012 | Mulai tahun depan, kenaikan gaji tahunan penjawat awam akan ditingkatkan antara RM80 hingga RM320 mengikut gred.

BELANJAWAN 2012 | Semua pelajar sekolah rendah dan menengah akan menerima Wang Bantuan Persekolahan sebanyak RM100 yang akan dibayar melalui Bank Simpanan Nasional (BSN).

BELANJAWAN 2012 | Bagi mengenang jasa Polis Khas dan Polis Tambahan pada zaman darurat, kerajaan akan memberi insentif RM3,000 kepada setiap bekas anggota polis

BELANJAWAN 2012 | Pencarum KWSP boleh daftar awal giliran ibadat Haji melalui penghadangan Akaun 2 sebanyak RM1,300.

BELANJAWAN 2012 | Pemberian baucar buku RM200 kepada semua pelajar warganegara Malaysia di institusi pengajian tinggi awam & swasta tempatan, matrikulasi & tingkatan 6

BELANJAWAN 2012 | Kakitangan kerajaan akan mendapat tambahan BONUS setengah bulan gaji (minimum RM500) bersama gaji bulan Disember 2011. Pesara kerajaan juga akan menerima bayaran bantuan RM500.

BELANJAWAN 2012 | RM100 diberi secara one off kepada pelajar sekolah rendah dan menengah seorang.

BELANJAWAN 2012 | Bonus RM500 untuk Penjawat Awam dan Pesara Kerajaan akan dibayar pada gaji bulan Disember.

BELANJAWAN 2012 | RM200 Juta akan disediakan untuk melatih belia yang telah meninggalkan sekolah melalui Program Strategik untuk Belia 1Malaysia (SAY 1Malaysia)

BELANJAWAN 2012 | Bantuan sebanyak RM500 akan diberi kepada isi rumah berpendapatan RM3,000 ke bawah.

BELANJAWAN 2012 | Rancangan Tebatan Banjir akan dilaksanakan di Perlis, Perak dan Johor untuk membantu 4 Juta penduduk yg masih tinggal di kawasan berisiko.

BELANJAWAN 2012 | Pelepasan cukai sedia ada ke atas caruman Skim Persaraan Swasta diperkenalkan untuk menjamin kesejahteraan pesara.

BELANJAWAN 2012 | Warga emas berumur 60 Tahun ke atas akan dikecualikan caj pendaftaran pesakit luar di semua hospital & klinik kesihatan.

BELANJAWAN 2012 | RM15 Juta akan diperuntukkan untuk membina gelanggang futsal agar matlamat “Satu Gelanggang Satu Mukim” dapat dicapai.

BELANJAWAN 2012 | Kerajaan akan menyediakan perkhidmatan suntikan percuma imunisasi HPV di seluruh negara untuk mengatasi kanser servik.

BELANJAWAN 2012 | Bagi membantu pemilik teksi bajet persendirian menghadapi kos operasi tinggi, mereka akan dibantu dengan pengecualian cukai pembelian teksi.

BELANJAWAN 2012 | Untuk membantu golongan gelendangan, Kerajaan akan menyediakan pusat khidmat bantuan sosial dikenali sebaga Anjung Singgah.

BELANJAWAN 2012 | Yayasan Bantuan Guaman Kebangsaan akan memastikan setiap individu yang didakwa di mahkamah akan diberi bantuan guaman percuma jika mereka tidak mampu melantik peguam sendiri.

BELANJAWAN 2012 | Hospital akan dinaiktaraf & dibina, kerajaan juga akan tambahbaik 81 Klinik Kesihatan Luar Bandar & buka 50 Klinik 1Malaysia.

BELANJAWAN 2012 | Perkhidmatan Kesihatan akan diperuntukkan RM15 Billion untuk perbelanjaan mengurus dan RM1.8 Billion untuk pembangunan.

BELANJAWAN 2012 | Kerajaan akan wujudkan Tabung Khas Perumahan Nelayan RM300 Juta untuk bina & baik pulih rumah.

BELANJAWAN 2012 | RM63 Juta untuk memulihkan 1,270 rumah terbengkalai. RM40 Juta untuk baik pulih dan menyelenggara rumah kos rendah awam dan swasta.

BELANJAWAN 2012 | Program Rumah Mesra Rakyat (SPNB) akan diteruskan. SPNB diminta membina 10 ribu unit Rumah Mesra Rakyat pada tahun 2012.

BELANJAWAN 2012 | RM500 Juta naik taraf kemudahan kem tentera. RM50 Juta bantu askar yg bersara selepas berkhidmat 21 tahun utk menceburi bidang perniagaan.

BELANJAWAN 2012 | 600,000 pesara kerajaan akan dapat kenaikan pencen pesara sebanyak 2% setahun.

BELANJAWAN 2012 | Kerajaan akan terus melaksanakan Program Perumahan Rakyat (PPP) di seluruh negara dgn membina 75,000 unit rumah mampu milik.

BELANJAWAN 2012 | Bagi Skim Rumah Pertamaku, had maksimum harga rumah akan dinaikkan daripada RM220,000 kepada RM400,000.

BELANJAWAN 2012 | Pendapatan Kerajaan Persekutuan bagi 2012 dianggar meningkat 1.9% kepada RM186.9 billion. Defisit Kerajaan Persekutuan dijangka terus berkurangan kepada 4.7% daripada KDNK, berbanding 5.4% tahun ini.

BELANJAWAN 2012 | Pemberian subsidi untuk minyak petrol, gas LPG, gula, beras akan diteruskan seperti biasa. Kerajaan juga akan terus menanggung bil elektrik yang kurang dari RM20 sebulan.

BELANJAWAN 2012 | Kerajaan akan menawarkan bantuan yuran pengajian kepada penjawat awam untuk menyambung pengajian kepada 5,000 pengajian ijazah sarjana & 500 bagi doktor falsafah.

BELANJAWAN 2012 | Umur bersara wajib kakitangan awam dinaikkan dari umur 58 tahun kepada 60 tahun.

BELANJAWAN 2012 | Kerajaan akan memansuhkan yuran pendidikan rendah & menengah di semua sekolah kerajaan.

BELANJAWAN 2012 | Mulai 2012, Kerajaan akan memperkenalkan Skim Perkhidmatan Baru Awam menggantikan Skim Saraan Malaysia di mana kenaikan Gaji Tahunan penjawat awam akan ditingkatkan antara RM80 hingga RM320 mengikut gred. 600,000 pesara kerajaan juga akan mendapat kenaikan pencen pesara sebanyak 2% setahun.

BELANJAWAN 2012 | RM181.6 bilion untuk perbelanjaan mengurus & RM51.2 bilion untuk perbelanjaan pembangunan.

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suka tak?

(^V^)v

jangan biarkan wanita menangis..never make woman cry

Wahai Tuhan, mengapa wanita sering menangis?

Jawabnya:

Kerana wanita itu unik.
Aku ciptakannya sebagai makhluk istimewa,
Ku kuatkan bahunya untuk menjaga anak-anaknya,
Ku lembutkan hatinya untuk memberi rasa aman,
Ku kuatkan rahimnya untuk menyimpan benih manusia,
Ku teguhkan peribadinya untuk terus berjuang pada saat yang lain menyerah,
Ku berikannya naluri untuk mencintai anak-anak dalam apa jua keadaan sekalipun,
Ku kuatkan batinnya untuk tetap menyayangi walau dikhianati oleh teman,
Walau disakiti oleh “orang” yang dia sayangi..
Wanita makhluk kuat,
Tetapi jika satu saat dia menangis itu kerana Ku berikannya air mata untuk membasuh luka batin dan memberi kekuatan baru.

“WANITA itu ISTIMEWA”

kredit: malaysian community

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saya sangat la setuju

bila baca quote nie..

memang itulah pengorbanan seorang wanita sepanjang hayatnya

dan apabila saya menangis pada saat-saat yang sangat getir..

lepas menangis tu rasa teramat la lega..kan kan kan?

kita akan rasa ringan..pelik juga tapi betul la kata2 di atas..

kita menangis untuk membasuh segala masalah yang melanda..

lepas tu memberi kekuatan untuk meneruskan hidup..

*hepi birthday to me!*
~syazwani bt radzi~
: a secret makes a woman..woman :

Tips for SPM Chemistry 2011

SPM Chemistry 2011 – Tips and Predictions for Papers 4541/1, 4541/2 and 4541/3

Paper 1 (SPM 2011)

Form 4 Syllabus

Chapter 2 The Structure of the Atom
Chapter 3 Chemical Formulae and Equations
Chapter 6* Electrochemistry
Chapter 7* Acids and Bases
Chapter 8* Salts
Chapter 9 Manufactured substances in Industry

Form 5 Syllabus

Chapter 1* Rate of reaction
Chapter 2* Carbon compounds
Chapter 3 Oxidation and Reduction
Chapter 4* Thermochemistry
Chapter 5 Chemicals for Consumers

* Important Topic

Not important

Chapter 1 (F4) Introduction to Chemistry

Paper 2 (SPM 2011)

Form 4 Syllabus

Chapter 2 *The Structure of the Atom (SPM 2010 – Section A)
Chapter 3 *Chemical Formulae and Equations (SPM 2010 – Section A & B)
Chapter **4 *Periodic Table of Elements (SPM 2010 – Section A)
Chapter 5 *Chemical Bonds (SPM 2010 – Section A)
Chapter **6 Electrochemistry (SPM 2010 – Section A & C)
Chapter 7 Acids and Bases (SPM 2010 – Section A)
Chapter **9 Manufactured substances in Industry

Form 5 Syllabus

Chapter 1 *Rate of reaction (SPM 2010 – Section B)
Chapter 2 Carbon compounds (SPM 2010 – Section B)
Chapter **3 *Oxidation and Reduction
Chapter **4 Thermochemistry (SPM 2010 – Section C)
Chapter **5 Chemicals for consumers (SPM 2010 – Section B)

* Important Topics (every year)

** SPM 2011 hot topics

Paper 3 (SPM 2011)

Form 4 Syllabus

Chapter 4 Periodic Table of Elements (SPM 2010)
Chapter ** 6 Electrochemistry* (Frequency in SPM = 2)
Chapter 7 Acids and Bases* (SPM 2010) (Frequency in SPM = 4)
Chapter 8 Salts
Chapter 9 Manufactured Substances in Industry (Frequency in SPM = 2)

Form 5 Syllabus

Chapter 1 Rate of Reaction* (SPM 2010) (Frequency in SPM = 3)
Chapter **3 Oxidation and Reduction* (Frequency in SPM = 4)
Chapter **4 Thermochemistry (Frequency in SPM = 2)

* Frequently asked in SPM since 2003 until 2010
** SPM 2011 hot topics

so study for this tips..and gud luck in final exam of chemistry paper!

kredit : berryberryeasy.com

tak lama lagi dah nak SPM kan..apa persediaan anda? hoho~~

ada 1 artikel nak dikongsi untuk menaikkan semangat semua pelajar yang bakal menduduki SPM tak lama lagi..

so lets read together!

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A reader, Lix asked how to score in SPM Chemistry at Malaysia Students Forum (powered by Google Groups) so I write this post with the hope that Lix and other readers will benefit from it. I assume her to be a form 5 student this year since she mentioned the word ‘Kimia’ in her post. For your information, form five year 2006 is the last batch of secondary school students studying Science and Mathematics subjects in Malay.

Let me start this post with my own experience in SPM Chemistry from grade 4C to 1A. Last year, I scored 4C in Chemistry in my mid year examination. I didn’t even know how to write a correct chemical equation. I started worrying that I might get bad result in SPM Chemistry. From that moment, I studied very hard and finally scored 1A in SPM Chemistry. You should start revising each and every chapter in the syllabus now. How? Follow these tips:

Master basic but important concepts
Memorize important facts and processes
Practise past-year SPM papers
Practise all trial papers

Master basic but important concepts – You must at least know how to write correct chemical equation, do simple calculation and understand basic chemical concept likes Mole Concept. Note that there are only a few types of calculations in Chemistry compared to Physics so please master all the calculations. Try to learn them yourselves reading the reference books first. If you really couldn’t understand them, you should seek help from your class or tuition teacher.

Memorize important facts and processes – Memorize the colours of chemical substances, understand the salt preparation process… It works effectively although some might argue that memorizing facts is the wrong way of learning. I personally agree that you can surely get a 1A in SPM Chemistry if you could memorize all the facts. However, I strongly recommend you to understand each concept and fact before you start memorizing them. Learning Chemistry becomes more exciting and enjoyable using this method.

Practise past-year SPM papers – Past-year SPM questions will repeat from time to time because of the limited scope covered in SPM Chemistry syllabus. This is no secret that most SPM candidates realize it. Practice makes perfect. Try every question and learn from your mistakes. For essay questions, get the marking schema from your teachers so that you can see how the marks are allocated and which points or keywords deserve full mark, etc. Learning from the essay marking schemas is a highly effective method!

Practise all trial papers – After SPM trial examinations, try to get other states’ SPM trial papers and practise them. Try Maktab Rendah Sains Mara (MRSM) SPM trial papers too! You can either exchange SPM trial papers with your friends from other states or get them online through certain websites. I was lucky because my Chemistry teacher collected other states’ SPM trial papers for us last year. Sometimes, one or more exact or similar questions will come out in the actual SPM Chemistry paper. SPM question leaks do happen every year.

In conclusion, you have to study and understand every chapter carefully. Believe me, you won get 1A if you have read only a few topics and focus on only certain chemical concepts. Like it or not, read-understand-memorize all topics is the only way to guarantee a 1A in SPM Chemistry.

Update: There is a very useful message posted by a reader at Malaysia Students Forum, sharing his/her personal experience on the topic 'How to Score Well in SPM Chemistry’. It is certainly worth a good read!

BooNBoX wrote,

You know what, there's an old legend in secondary school. Normally you hear this story when you are about to enter Form 4.

"Bio, Physics, Chemistry... the difference between these three pure science subjects is that, all three require different brain usage in a different percentage... In Biology, where you need 75% of MEMORIZING skill and 25% UNDERSTANDING of your text. Mean while for Physics, it's the other way round where you need only 25% MEMORIZING skill (my friend derives the formulae other than memorizes it!!) and 75% understanding. Chemistry is some way in the middle and should be the easy for all ... ... you need half memory and half understanding, i.e. you are not only memorize the formulae and concept, you need to apply them as well ..."

To be honest, for the first monthly test in my chemistry, i was about to fail ... ... i did even know how to get the numbers of atoms in a mole of oxygen gas ... ... becoz I couldn't see the concept and i did understand it... i could not imagine the concept... so.. the most important thing is .. YOU NEED TO UNDERSTAND AND ACCEPT THE CONCEPT...

then... you learn the basic, how to balance an equation... this is the most basic AND useful skill in chemistry... even in STPM, sometimes you really scratching your head til bleeding but still couldn't figure out the meaning and the question... all you need to do is to balance the equation and you will get the concept for that particular situation/condition... then you are half way to the answer...

the question is .. HOW TO LEARN TO BALANCE THE EQUATION ?? well... ... this is different for every individual... it's more or less like Maths... ... someone good in Maths (and understand what is Maths) could normally do better in balancing the equation... ... just take it as a simple Maths equation and maybe you will get a clearer picture ... ... break the molecules into simple element... ... ... take it simple and think simple .. then it will be...

HOW TO SCORE OK (WELL MAYBE) IN CHEMISTRY ... the most important key is ... ... go through every chapter and learn the basic concept... then... understand its concept but doing some practice questions ... ... doing questions will let you know how to apply this concept ... ...

e.g. : you study about thermochemistry... you know it's about heat produced/asorbed in a chemical reaction... ... but you won't be able to do the questions if you never done it before ... ... becoz you don't know how to apply the concept !

With the concepts in your mind... you should be able to do most questions ... but ... what if you want to do ALL QUESTIONS ??

HOW TO SCORE WELL IN CHEMISTRY then comes in your memorizing skill ... ... you need to memorize examples... ... you need to memorize the colours of elements... ... formulae... ...

you probably know about daniel cell... how to draw the cell and know which way the current going around the circuit... ... but if the question ask you to give an example ??? what if the questions asking you to build an experiment to know what element contain in an unknown substances ??

so to score very well, you will need this.

that's all i wanted to tell you all based on my personal experience. Some might feel not comfortable with my way, I understand that becoz i believe every individual got its own way to excel. Hopefully you can benefits the best from my opinion other than following it blindly.